The Path

 

Lijah Hanley's Photos

Photo courtesy Of Lijah Hanley. An incredible young man that has traveled with National Geographic since he was 15. Now at 17, I had the opportunity to meet him in Washington State and purchased many of his photos. This particular one struck a cord within me, it is my life just now....and it will grace my wall very soon. Please take a moment to explore by clicking on his name directly under the photo. I think you will be amazed.

 

 

 

Blogging has been a very cathartic avenue for me. While I am so surprised when I get emails from those feeling a common bond, or words of encouragement, I know I can remove myself from my feelings while being empathetic with theirs. This helps immensely.....knowing you are not alone somehow snaps one out of the doldrums of the dark side of thinking.

 

The dark side of thinking is something I have fallen into many times. Plotting my own demise has been an on and off occurrence. Pulling ideas from mobster movies such as the slitting ones wrists in the bathtub, to hanging from the floor joists in the basement, or my favorite putting a gun to my head in the closet through a pillow to muffle the noise. All too painful or messy actually....so again thought about waiting til the first of the month when all medications filled and downing them all with some Russian Vodka. Now before you freak out and have me committed.....know psych 101 will tell you that those that talk about it beforehand rarely carry through with such nonsense. So no worries there okay? Just being honest.......

 

Yes, life is very hard just now....we are approaching the one year anniversary. The roller coaster is clanking with the climb, and the anticipation of the drop eminent. The unknown of such an experience is a bit frightening, an the anticipation of the drop itself is full of fear, yet the hope of survival of the fall with a positive outcome the successful outcome.

 

Moving on this past year has been an incredible journey.  I have done many things such as white water rafting on the second most dangerous river in the nation, to traveling to places I have always dreamed. I have met some incredible people, and yes America has the most interesting people on the planet and the most cherished to me. I have met and been put with people that have survived much worse, and yet I am amazed how they have coped.

 

I have tried on many roles this past year, some I will keep and others I will discard. Going back to school at this particular time in my life maybe not the best decision, but I have made the choice and must continue on and apply myself. I have a time management issue, a procrastination problem that was never part of my life before. This has been a bit frustrating. Today however, I woke up with a new understanding.

 

I was on the online dating sites for the sole purpose of writing this blog.....and free food of course! This I say with satire, but a bit of truth mixed in. I have met some genuinely lovely people, but also realize the safety of being alone. Opening ones heart contains the risk of loss, while many relationships do work, most don't. It's like having the planets fall into complete alignment. It's like entropy, useable to unusable energy. While I am attracted to risk, as I grow older and more mature do I see the emotional downside. Learning to be alone has been padded with some very good friends, one in particular. So for that today I am grateful. One day at a time.....only one minute at a time if necessary. The photo above depicts where I am.....I have a choice, to continue on this path of the unknown which is life or to give up. I choose not to give up, but forge ahead into the fog which covers my path just now.

The bottom line is this: We all have days we would like to give up on life in general. If we are to be honest, brutally....then we acknowledge this and move on. We have choices in life, it's called free will...it is up to us to choose wisely.