Fools Rush IN..

Hummmmm...."Fools Rush In" ....

I have had to do a lot of soul searching lately. I do not consider myself in a tight relationship anymore due to being turned off by lack of courage and commitment . When a relationship is good as it gets, and is constantly being reduced to rubble, it's time to take personal inventory. 

Maybe "I" am the problem...or maybe not. I want the relationship from the "Notebook"....because that is what I had for a time in my marriage with my late husband. So maybe I will have to be satisfied with that. I guess I would rather have a few years of "Special", than a lifetime of mundane and second guessing.

Do I rush in? Most likely.....I live that way, I learn through those experiences. If a relationship is awesome...then go with it. If feelings are not on equal ground....then it's a no win. Best to move on in those circumstances because it just isn't going to work. 

Beware of a partner that takes no responsibility for failed relationships....truth be known it takes two. Of course most all of us know this already. A crack forms due to fallout from mistakes made, and never truly reconciled. It takes a lot of communication, and if your current partner refuses to hear you, or huffs and puffs at the thought of discussing a concern you have, then is the time to take inventory. Even if it is your own. Make a pro/con list and be honest. Take a good look at your list.....it's tough but you owe it to yourself to do it.

The best advice I have gotten lately has been to look within. What makes YOU happy....what do YOU want out of life? When YOU are courageous enough to cease to rely on others for your happiness, and actually fulfill YOUR life the answers come. 

I don't have time for it all. My plate is so full, and I am so busy. And again the worst type of loneliness is being in a relationship that makes one feel lonely. 

#relationships, #life, #Love

It's Complicated

Well, he said I couldn't use his name.....he forgot to mention a photo. (evil grin) While he is a darling, sweet, generous man, he is also one of the most complicated individuals I have ever encountered. We are, from my perspective, very dear friends. He says we are more than friends...and we are, neither of us can pinpoint exactly "what" we are. We're both middle age, both gone through some tough experiences, and the relationship complicated to define. We see each other as often as possible, but with weather and the drive, we will have less time together. When the spring comes, he'll be on the golf course....and I'll be on the lake kayaking, at the horse barn, or at the field with the dogs on sunny days. We have committed to make the time, and still have time for ourselves. I think that's what works here, being respectful and self confident enough to live our lives as partners and individuals.

When relationships are new, there are some tough hurdles when getting to know each other. Especially when  two stubborn individuals set in ways of thinking find each other. While I enjoy differences, debating thoughts and current events, things can get a bit sticky. Besides, "E" doesn't like questions. I taught preschool, K4 & K5 for many years, and face it....we ask questions. In depth conversations I so enjoy are somewhat rare, but when we have them....pure gold.

 I was dumped by my grief counselor, she saw no more need for us to continue. She helped me through some very tough moments, and I will be forever grateful.  I am just starting to branch out and settle down. I am finding my old self, and more secure the world won't stop turning if this or any relationship wouldn't work out. I had to look within myself for that person that was once a go getter, a hardcore "enjoy each moment" person. When my husband died, it shook me to the core. Finding oneself is a difficult task for some after so many years of a particular role. Being alone difficult for some of us, and resolving oneself to learn to be alone, and still happy has finally cracked the surface. The secret is to simply look in the mirror, and give yourself time. You can't be happy with anyone else, until you are genuinely happy with yourself. And most importantly, you must have faith.

Nifty Over Fifty...Misadventures of Online Dating: Writing and the New Year

Nifty Over Fifty...Misadventures of Online Dating: Writing and the New Year: Wow! Profound words. Maybe I am a writer at heart, because that describes how I live. Aside from eating and sleeping well, the rest fits...

Writing and the New Year

Wow! Profound words.
Maybe I am a writer at heart, because that describes how I live. Aside from eating and sleeping well, the rest fits. I look at my life as a whole, and this has always been. I am highly competitive, instilled from my upbringing. We were a family of over achievers, never second and if we were, we were reminded second doesn't count. I was second a lot. I couldn't compete with older siblings that were more fine tuned than I.
I still find myself competing....if not with someone else, myself. To be my personal best. Instead, I trip and fumble my way into most given situations these days.

I am realizing I am social, lack tolerance for those that do not ask questions, but make assumptions. I have trouble with those that don't see the big picture. To my merit however, the Divine Dr. L has pointed out my views are not unusual, and my empathy and caring for others in check. Those that need help I am always there for, and loyalty to a fault one of my assets. He also shares my views on exploitation of the human element. The lack of in-depth views of our society, many simply brush away to the side refusing to see. He and I are very much alike......

We went out recently and he asked me three questions I had no answer for. I came home confused and depressed, but now I see they were presented in a way to help me think, make myself halt the brushing away my lack of insight. This makes me realize I had no tolerance for myself either, so analyzing some things today.
The New Year is coming, just around the corner....do we all have our resolutions ready? I have my list, and intent to put them front and center. 2014 will be my year, even if it kills me which it may, but as Dear Mr. Hemingway put it above, at the very least I will know I am alive as I will be dead soon enough.

Nifty Over Fifty...Misadventures of Online Dating: Happy Holidays!

Nifty Over Fifty...Misadventures of Online Dating: Happy Holidays!: The Holidays are here, along with the weather. Kansas is one of those states that has two seasons, summer and winter. Along with this c...

Happy Holidays!

The Holidays are here, along with the weather. Kansas is one of those states that has two seasons, summer and winter. Along with this comes aches and pains one would wish to not acknowledge. Being 55 isn't what I had hoped for, was thinking a repeat of my thirties was expected. Ya think???? 

I took an exam on mental age, scored a 39 year old.....sometimes I feel like my kindergartners. Working with them for so many years, my mind works the way their's does. They are simple, honest, and ask a LOT of questions. I question myself mostly, have learned a lot about life in the past year. How men and women are so totally different. So much so I had to find my "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" book....and did purchase a book n the male mind. Wow....was that an eye opener. Well, I can't say I was totally surprised....my husband had warned me when we were talking about my future before he died. We married right out of High School, and neither of us dated much really. He was worried about me, as he knew he had done too much for me through the years. He did everything basically....and I mean everything.

Back to the future....

When thinking of relationships, I really don't know HOW to have one. I am finding myself confused on the mechanics of it all. Long, slow, getting to know one another is what I hear...but that's not me. I am feet first jumping in the fire. "Just do it!", is my motto on just about everything. One of my least endearing qualities....I learn this way. Rightly or wrongly, that's the way I roll. I could learn a lot from my dogs, if I would just stop to pay attention. I am looking at them sleeping away soundly, the old girl snoring. They are not concerned about the day at all. Just eat, sleep, and hang out. The weather is not the least of their worries, let it snow....ice everywhere, and I am stranded once again due to my middle son with the commute to work needing to use my 4x4 to get to work. 

Oh well, it is what it is.....there is much to do around here today. So making the most of it! The holidays are here!!! I am out of school til the 13th of January....so today is the day to dust off the old, and ring in the new. 2014 will be a better year!

Nifty Over Fifty...Misadventures of Online Dating: Huh? You Gotta Be Kidding Me

Nifty Over Fifty...Misadventures of Online Dating: Huh? You Gotta Be Kidding Me: I was home sick today, yes I work in a High School and it is indeed that time of the year. Flu bugs are dancing in the halls, air and j...