Hell Hath no Fury

I have been absent for three weeks, mainly as I have been traveling, and doing some soul searching. My white water rafting trip to upper Washington state was a once in a lifetime. Not only did I see some of the most beautiful mountains, Rainier...Hood..Adams....and my kinship mountain St. Helens, but went on the most wicked rapids I could ever imagine. Level four to five, 6 mil. wet suits head to toe, jacket, helmet, life vest, and protective glasses. With the velocity of a car crash with 20' cliffs, impacting and bracing with total concentration of what our experienced guide Travis called out. 

(Travis and I)

this was fresh out of the

 wet suit and ready for a beer and dinner. I have to admit, I came back a different person. Facing possible death can do that to a person, and someone did die on that river the following week. My friend that so graciously booked the trip is an avid water rafter and will be pursuing white water kayak lessons. Being a triathlete and mountain climber, he will do well in this venue.

The trip came at a most perfect time....a lot was going on in my life, too much loss...and too much medication. Yeah, be sure your doctors communicate and office staff do not simply stuff notes and new med lists into your file and forget to share with your primary doctors. Believe me.....I had never bottomed to such lows, and without my close friends that give a rats ass, I may not be here writing this blog. 

I came home, and started looking for my own kayak. Not for white water, but cruising the lakes in my area. You have to be fitted for your kayak, and I was fortunate enough to meet a young man at Dick's Sporting Goods in Olathe, Ks....that was an avid kayak guy. Yes, perfect kayak found...oars fitted properly, vest, permit, and a few essentials such as a dry pack so I can take photos while out on the lake. I have rarely felt such peace in my life as when I am out on the lake...the sounds of the water gently swishing alongside bring a oneness with nature. The quiet intoxicating, and at the same time addictive. I would give nothing more than to just pack up, and go....set up camp where I land....it is one of the first times I have actually enjoyed being alone. One can think clearly without distraction, hear your own thoughts, and try to make sense of your life as it stands at that particular moment. 

Which leads me to the core of this blog.....the "bottom line."

The bottom line is this: when life throws you a curve, realize it will take a lot of time to recover from the unexpected. As my summer comes to a close, I will be heading back to work in two short weeks.....goody. Not really as I am only working for insurance. I do not wish to head back into full time teaching, so the time has come to make some hefty decisions. I am going to explore options in career changes, and focus on my wants and needs. I love the people around me, God what would I have done without them? As for online dating....don't expect too much. You will find either the good of the good or the bad of the bad. Characters you will meet, and I have been fortunate enough to make some incredible friends...those are the good of the good. The bad of the bad are simply taking up space on the planet.....and unfortunately they are the majority. The ethical and moral boundaries no longer exist, breaching the societal gates set up years past to maintain a sense of human decency. Most of society no longer has a conscience, but a need for self gratification. 

 I think this was my revelation.....and being whom you are through life's experiences does not devalue your sense of being. Don't ever let anyone tell you anything different. Listen with your heart, it full knows long before your brain figures it out.  

So the wake up call has come in the shape of a kayak named Swifty. Swifty and I plan to hit the water later this afternoon....for quiet and solace. There thoughts and ideas will be shaped into action. 

Next blog.....the "Divine Dr. L"....psychiatrist extraordinaire 

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